Russia: Friend or Foe?
TIP: If you find Aussie slang difficult to read, click the embedded links for a detailed explanation.
No doubt about it - the true blue, dinky-di Aussie armchair warrior knows everythin'! "Ain't no point tryin'a to tell us different coz we know shit yanno! We're on a good wicket 'ere and we don't want no commi-bastards comin' over 'ere tellin' us wot to do!".
Fair-bloody-dinkum mate?
News Flash: Russia isn't tryin'a invade us or tell us what to do. In fact, we're tryin'a tell Russia what to do, like OUR democracy's summin' special. What we represent is wrapped up in our bush anthem "Waltzing Matilda", where we praise the popo for slappin' us in chains and waltzing us all off to the slammer!
Where do we get off takin' the high-road?
LET'S COMPARE NOTES...
1. Nearly all western democracies claim Russia is misogynistic.
Meanwhile, in Australia... the mainstream media's hot-off-the-press-late-breaking-news-story is: Senator milks breastfeeding in parliament for all it's worth. You'd have to have a few roo's loose in the top paddock to read this as anything but sexist, otherwise the senator's actions might have gone completely unnoticed, doncha reckon?
And it's not just the blokes gettin' in on the action. Sheila's far and wide hurled feminist rubbish hell-west-and-crooked at our first and only female Prime Minister.
And here's the kicker, we didn't vote for her - she inherited the top job under duress because the PM had to undergo surgery amidst a leadership coup - but the media wasted no time in labeling her that which is specifically reserved for chicks "a backstabbing-bitch".
And how could we ever forget the pop song "Bloke" which hit number one on the radio in the 80s?
2. Many also claim the Russian's are homophobes.
Meanwhile, in Australia... takin' the piss outta gays has always been a favorite okka pass-time since the 60's, along with football, meat-pies, kangaroos and Holden cars. In fact, Aussie sports recently found 'emselves in more trouble than a lizard on a hot tin roof when a world wide study pulled no punches in labeling 'em chronic homophobes.
It didn't help matters much that PMs Rudd, Gillard and Abbott were up and down like a bride's nightie on same sex marriage and, in the end, even Turnbull's marriage equality plebiscite was as popular as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip.
And it was only a few months ago that Family Law was changed, under the radar, to allow LGBT couples to raise children, so we can hardly claim to be up-standing pioneers.
3. Also common is the belief that Russia does not allow internet freedom.
Meanwhile, in Australia... we got ripped-off major-league hard-core when the government racked-off all our independent internet services and replaced 'em with the joke called NBN (National Broadband Network).
According to the Minister for Communications (who just happens to be the PM now) it was meant to be the ducks-nuts but, turns out, it's more than a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
The $20b super-duper, lightning-fast, single-source, fibre-optic broadband we were promised basically means most schoolies will be retired by the time their first email attachment downloads.
The good news is: at the current speed, data-retention storage shouldn't cost us an arm and a leg.
4. Another common claim is Russia's elections are un-democratically bias and lack liberty.
Meanwhile, in Australia... liberty's a whim-wham for a goose's bridle round here, anyone bigger than a sprog has to vote, there is no choice. And, even if everyone on the ballot paper is just plain bad news, stiff bickies! It's for this very reason that we approach our elections as seriously as a mad woman's breakky.
Some of us can smell a crock of porkies a mile off but the rest are stunned mullets when the first policy ejected from the Senate chambers smacks 'em up the back of the head: "Duh... Din't see THAT one comin'...". Pays to know: if a polly's lips are moving, they're full of shit.
And who ever designs these whopper-sized ballots can't possibly be surprised when the larrikins notice the Pirate Party listed under group aaRrr!
5. It is also said that Russia limits free speech in the media by exerting control over civil society through selective implementation of the law, restriction and censure.
Meanwhile, in Australia... our own renegade-Rambo-journo, Derryn Hinch, got himself banged-up for going against gag orders and publishing the name of certain rock-spiders who somehow scored themselves get-out-of-jail-free cards. In fact, Senator Hinch (as he is now known), has become a bit of a frequent-flyer for exposing both injustices and offenders on more than a few occasions.
Also hot-off-the-press: in an historic 'please-explain' moment, Australia's looney-toon Senator Hanson slapped a gag order on ABC's 7.30 Report to stop the publishing of secret recordings of the Senator engaging in some shady-shit during the last elections.
But to be fair, the labor-party already tossed Hanson in the slammer for something similar the last time she ran for government, so she probably has every reason to be shittin' bricks.
And there's THIS. Not that too many of us plebs would've busted our arses to save alumni propaganda.
6. Russia has also been accused of neglecting it's poorest and most vulnerable people.
Meanwhile, in Australia... at the press of a button, robo-debt 1.0 went berko on the battlers in a bid to claw back $4b worth of welfare blunders, blaming them for tax-cheating and leaving most victims up shit creek without a paddle.
Even the legal eagles are scratchin' their heads, while the shiny-arse desk-johnnies at DHR, who once smugly cut the poor off their pensions, have since turned into blue pencil warriors.
Not satisfied they screwed the pooches hard enough, the government also jumped in the sack with an unscrupulous mining magnate (with a vested interest in stealing rich mining land from its indigenous owners) and together they cooked up the cashless welfare card. There's now more homeless in Australia than homophobes!
AND THEN, with all the dosh they savaged from the poor, they gave 'emselves a pat on the back by shouting 'emselves to a BIG FAT pay rise!
7. Nearly all western democracies claim Russia is oppressive and those who dare to speak out against the government are imprisoned or killed.
Meanwhile, in Australia... our pollies are well-known for this slutty little habit of sleeping with the shady mining magnates. After taking down the very first democratically elected Prime Minister in history who had the balls to slug 'em with climate-tax, they then set their sights on those pesky little knitting nanna's who kept tying 'emselves to the gates and machinery in protest. So now, political demonstrations CAN get us waltzed straight to the lock-up, zimmer-frame and all!
The entire shemozzle has been wrapped in radical-extremist tinsel and is now used to oppress school children who might be listenin' to 'alternative music' which could subliminally suggest tying 'emselves to a bunny one day. And then, like a bunch of ravin' bloody galahs, an entire nation waged a war on it's youth - everything from tossin' an egg to creative arts to disco-dancing is being shut down nationwide, including alternative music festivals, nightclubs, bars and pubs.
And shhhhh! The author of the last point in this article could be shot dead by police without question or snatched and spirited away never to be heard from again.
8. Russia is often criticized for being pro-communism.
Meanwhile, in Australia... the neoliberalists have gone bat-shit-crazy! They have taken the concept of freedom and distorted it to: the freedom to take what ya want, from who ya want, when ya want - no holes barred. No asset is safe anymore, it's all up for grabs! All our industries - cars, construction, clothing and textiles - POOF! Gone! Just like that!
Australia has been taken over by suits, ties, Pitt Street cockies and Collins Street pharma's who don't give a rats-ass about the Aussie battlers who made this country great way back when. So long as they keep it on the down-low, just about anyone from anywhere can slip a few bucks into the pocket of the right polly and Bob's your Uncle! 30,000 jobs just went down the tube!
Lightbulb moment: How many Aussies does it take to get rid of FREE education? None.. why the hell would we?
9. Russia is often accused of circumventing Freedom of Information and continuing to operate it's government shrouded in secrecy.
Meanwhile, in Australia... government secrecy is all wrapped up in two words: "Brown people". Why can't the media go to Manus or Nauru islands? "Brown people". Why have workers on Manus and Nauru got gag-orders? "Brown people". Why are 110 United Nations up our arse about more than 250 human rights violations? "Brown people". Why are tax-payers forking out $70m on legal costs and settlements? "Brown people".
Right, so... why is there a totally different UN-human-rights gripe about detention centres on the mainland? Yep, you guessed it: "Brown people"!! PLUS, these particular brown people are also no-good-low-down-dirty-rotten-scoundrel YOUTH! Oohhhh, in that case, torture away! Say no more.
In fact, all the government departments are floggin' FOI gag orders to death, including the Tax-Office, Immigration and the federal government itself.
10. It is further said Russia's judicial system noticeably lacks independence.
Meanwhile, in Australia... we have to ask the Queen to get anythin' done round here (who also has a nasty little habit of protecting her own). Many Aussies think the reigning Monarch is useless as tits on a bull but, much like our fascination with Trump, she gives the MSM somethin' to do instead of sittin' around inventing porkies when they're bored.
Those bloody crooks who make up our un-elected judiciary are takin' us all for a ride, they're the same yobbo's who were workin their way up the ranks on mate's rates during the last 40 probes into corruption. Sure, we might hear of a few they throw under the bus for the cheer of the crowd from time to time, but they do a darn-fine job at protecting the rest and mopping-up all the evidence.
And the boys-in-blue get the same protections, unless of course, they can't be bribed, framed or bumped-off.
11. Another paranoid claim is Russia still uses humans for science experiments.
Meanwhile, in Australia... our government is doping half the country with fluoride - Hitler style - spiking the water supply! Like, AS IF we're a bunch of bloody morons who can't remember to brush our teeth every day! We've barely raised one generation of Aussies on a solid diet of ingested fluoride and that somehow makes us experts? No, that makes us guinea pigs!
While we're on the topic of Hitler, what about this 'no-jab-no-pay' bizzo? You'd have to be barkin' mad to believe only poor people on welfare carry diseases. It ain't poor people jumpin' on planes and heading off into the wide-blue-yonder where who-knows-what lurks and bringing it back into our country.
If we truly had a ridgy-didge modern democracy, freedom of choice would still exist in this country.
Oh, that's right... PM Turnbull's ACTUALLY in the sack with big pharma... his wife no less! That explains why professionals who speak out against them risk 10 years jail.
12. Let's not forget the ever popular: Russia is spying on other nations and hacking elections.
Meanwhile, in Australia... waddaya reckon ASIS are doin'? We're even spying on our besties! We're all havin' a good ole stickybeak in each others back yards so there's no point in gettin' narky at the neighbours for doin' the same. Australia's no more backwards and coming forwards on it's spying practices than any other country in the world.
PHOTO: The West Australian - Foreign donation ban by end of year
Funny thing is, we don't blame Russia when shit hits the fan, we blame CHINESE communists instead!
For a country that has no current laws preventing foreign interference in our elections and policies, we sure do a lot of finger-pointing.
13. And last, but not least: Russia is a threat to international order.
Meanwhile, in Australia... we've got our fingers in everyone's pies. We've got forces all over the globe like a rash. More than a handful of us would've liked to thump John Howard in the ear when he put our hands up to go to war. He certainly didn't ask us first. If he did, it would've been a no-brainer: do we want the terror to come to us? Hell NO!
Do we wanna become Mini-America? Hell NO! Do we want the largest and most hated military of the west camped on our doorstep? Hell NO! Do we wanna poke the North Korean bees nest? Hell NO! Do we wanna start shit with China? Hell NO! Do we wanna start shit Russia? Hell NO!
The only drongos who think selling ourselves out to make America great are the one-percenters. The other 99% of us don't count.
What ever THIS is, it ain't democracy! But we do have our fair share of delusional Power-Trippers who drive a mean armchair to the ballot box every 3 years
Note: This opinion piece neither confirms or denies any charges leveled at Russian democracy. It simply compares those charges with the ironies of our own idiotic democracy, most of which the Australian public know to be true but are often too stubborn to admit.